We grow up trying to fulfil a lot of expectations of how we should think and behave. And to some extent, this can be very helpful. But then there is this point in our lives, where we should start thinking for ourselves and simply do what we think is best for us. But the thing is, hardly any of us has actually reached this point yet! Why is that? Because we care too much about what other people might think about our thoughts and actions (leave alone appearance). And yes, I’m no exception to the rule – I’m human and sometimes I have doubts and look for orientation. But I’m also proud to say that I’ve managed to give a f*** a little more often by now. And believe me, that’s a good thing! Think about it:
Other people’s opinions and expectations are made of a totally subjective point of view. The same goes for your own thoughts – it’s a construct of personal experience, collected knowledge over time, your opinion and sometimes even again influenced by other people. It’s a mix of so many individual factors! And you are sure you want to orientate yourself and rely on this – this bunch of random happenings in another person’s life? I guess not. And that’s why I’ve decided to not care as much about what other people think anymore. Because what’s far more important is what you think yourself!
Let’s say your ‘care’ is power – would you really want other people to have all the power over you or would you rather like to have this power to yourself? I think this is a crucial point here: It’s not only about confidence and attitude – it’s also about power. And whoever has this power will quintessentially build your life! I know this might sound a little over-dramatic – but it’s actually true. Because what you do will ultimately lead to who you are.
And this by itself is another very good reason to choose your friends wisely. If you feel like some-body isn’t really caring about you as much as you care about them – they’re probably not worth your time. Even worse are the people tearing you down – be it because of their own unhappiness or jealousy or whatever issues they might have. Get them out of your life asap!
On the other hand, having a few very good and supportive friends (the ones that lift your mood) – can be such an enormous gain in your life. You can’t buy friends – you earn them. And in the same way they should mutually strive to earn your trust and support.
Confidence is not “They will like me”. Confidence is “It’s okay if they don’t”.
And since this leaves you as the main person whose opinions you should care about – just go with it. And trust your gut instinct. That doesn’t mean you’ll always be right about everything from now on – but at least you can be sure to have chosen what felt right for you at this point. And I’m of the opinion that this automatically leads to more happy outcomes than any other strategy. If you feel good and happy about your thoughts and actions – that’s confidence. Because you are the one thing that makes you unique. It’s as simple as that.